You’ve picked the restaurant – it has great reviews, flattering lighting, and a cocktail menu that needs its own table of contents. There’s just one issue: It’s so loud that the couple three tables away might technically be considered part of your date.
If you’re dating someone with hearing loss, a few small choices can make conversation easier. And that doesn’t just affect you. This isn’t exactly a niche consideration. Research on people with hearing loss and their partners has found that hearing affects both sides of a relationship, and partners who develop ways to handle it together tend to fare better.
So, before your next first date, fifth date, or “Wait, are we officially dating?” date, here are a few things worth knowing.
DO: Pick Somewhere Quiet – Without Being Asked
You don’t need to book a silent retreat. Just think about sound when you’re choosing a place.
But make the effort to pick a restaurant where you can actually hear each other. Avoid that place with the concrete walls, loud music, and 200 other people shouting over their dinner. Already at a particularly noisy spot? Ask for a quieter spot. Thoughtful? Yes. Complicated? Not even a little bit.
DO: Wait Until They Look at You
Your date glances down at the menu, just as you’re ready to launch into the funniest part of your story. Instead, hold that thought for maybe two more seconds. For some people with hearing loss, seeing your face to read your lips while you speak can make conversations easier. Get their attention, wait until they look up, then deliver the story. Your punchline deserves an audience anyway.
DON’T: Talk With Your Mouth Full
Heck, this is just solid dating advice – and good manners – under virtually any circumstances. Talking while chewing can make your speech harder to understand. Finish the bite, then finish the thought. Your date will certainly appreciate it, and so will whoever taught you table manners.
DON’T: Cover Your Mouth While You’re Speaking
It’s the same principle here. Resting your hand across your mouth, turning away while talking, or delivering half a sentence into your napkin can make it much tougher to follow the conversation. There’s no need to exaggerate your speech or perform each syllable like you’re reciting a Shakespearean soliloquy. Just face your date and talk normally.
DON’T: Make “What?” a Whole Thing
If your companion says, “Hey, I missed that – can you repeat that?” or “Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” just… repeat it. That’s it. Definitely skip the sighs, the head tilts, the eye rolls, or (worse) the impatient, “Oh – never mind.” And definitely don’t just repeat the same sentence at “stadium volume.” That’s never a winning move.
If something’s a little unclear, just say it again. Or try a simple rephrasing. A few seconds later, you’re back to wishing you never admitted you still share your parents’ streaming passwords.
DON’T: Make Hearing Loss the “Third Wheel”
At the right – and relevant – time, be appropriately and politely curious. If your date tells you what works best for them, listen. Different people have different preferences, and asking is better than assuming. Then move on. Your date has opinions, stories, terrible TV habits, excellent restaurant recommendations, and probably a few questions for you, too. Hearing loss is just one detail about the person sitting across from you. Give it exactly as much room in the conversation as they want it to have.
Ultimately, being a good date to someone with hearing loss mostly involves the same skills as being a good date to anyone else: Pay attention, take your cues from the person in front of you, and don’t make things weird.
Oh – and skip the restaurant with the live percussionist. That one’s good advice for anybody.
